There
certainly would be no shortage of candidates for best invention of the
Twentieth Century. A short list of the usual suspects would probably include
the Internet, the personal computer, the microprocessor, television and
penicillin. My vote, though, would go to none of the above. It would be cast
for the smart line.
I’m
not even sure that’s what it’s called, or if it even has a proper name, but
when I describe it, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s what you see at
just about every bank, where you get into one line, and when you reach the head
of it, go to the next available teller when the time comes.
Before
smart lines were introduced, you had to size up the line at each teller window
and make a snap decision as to which one you were going to commit to. It was
gambling in its purest form. At least half the time, the shortest line had
someone in front of you who turned out to be attempting to cash a $100K check
on a Lithuanian bank. With no ID. And no comprehension of why that might be a
problem.
If
you drew that hand, you were essentially cooked. While you waited (and waited,
and waited) for the resolution of the Lithuanian check caper, three dozen
people who walked in the door after you were able to transact their business in
another line and be on their way.
The
smart line takes the decision away from the individual and prevents the
aggravation of seeing people who came in after you did get served first, just
because they made a luckier guess. That’s been replaced by a new aggravation.
As banks cut back on tellers and other customer-service expenses, it’s not
unusual to see only two tellers on duty.
If
one of them is out of commission for half an hour with the Lithuanian check
casher, all it takes is another customer of the same stripe (say a merchant
bringing in $20K in small bills and coins) to tie up the other one and freeze
the entire line. At least you have the comfort, cold though it may be, of
knowing you’ll get through before the person ahead of you. This is what we call
progress.
Waiting
in line has become the curse of modern life, as businesses go out of their way
to avoid spending money on human beings to deal with customers. The two post
offices I frequent tend to have one or two clerks working and never call for
help, even when the line is going out the door. The Safeway near my house seems
to have a policy that under no circumstances is a checker to call for
additional help when the lines get long.
Sometimes
the business will suggest that you use an automated service, rather than
waiting in line. A postal clerk suggested that once, and I took her up on it
the next time I came in and saw an impossible line. I went to the vending
machine in the lobby, bought $8 in stamps and paid with a $20 bill. For change,
I got 12 Susan B. Anthony dollar coins, and it took nearly a month to get rid
of them. Never again.
Now
I patronize a locally owned grocery store that’s adequately staffed with great
checkers and go to a bank that offers better teller service than the others.
The post office, alas, has no competition, so I’m stuck on that one. But at
least they have smart lines.
